In relationships, boundaries often get blurred, leading to feelings of overwhelm, resentment, or even burnout. The key to harmony is understanding what’s within your control—and what isn’t. When you master this distinction, you free yourself from unnecessary stress and nurture healthier dynamics.
What’s Within Your Control?
You have only four things you can truly control:
- What you say and how you say it.
- What you think and how you respond to your thoughts.
- What you feel and how you deal with those feelings.
- How you behave and the actions you choose to take.
What’s Not Yours to Control?
You are not responsible for how others think or feel. Trying to manage their emotions often leads to over-responsibility, leaving little room for your needs.
Your Responsibilities To Others
While you can’t control others, you do have responsibilities to them, which include:
- Showing respect.
- Offering care.
- Keeping agreements.
Confusion arises when these responsibilities are misunderstood. When you take on what isn’t yours—like fixing someone else’s feelings—you undermine your own well-being.
Practical Boundary Basics
- Communicate clearly: Use “I” statements to express your needs.
- Be consistent: Uphold your boundaries even if others resist.
- Seek balance: Respect your limits while honouring commitments to others.
Better boundaries foster freedom and mutual respect. By focusing on what’s yours to control, you strengthen your relationships and protect your peace.
Sources:
- Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.Zondervan.
- Gabor Maté. (2003). When the Body Says No: Understanding the Stress-Disease Connection.
Invitation to Connect:
Are you ready to strengthen your boundaries and nurture healthier relationships? Let’s work together to create clarity and balance in your life. Contact me here to schedule a session.